film fridays: a personal project where I put down my digital camera and share images created on film

You ever have those days when nothing in life seems to make any sense? You can’t seem to make any right decisions and you catch yourself thinking, “What in 7 hells are you doing?! (Game of Thrones reference…teehee)  Get it together, Man! Look at the mess you’ve made! Now what do you plan to do about it?”

Everybody has those days, right? I have them too, although, I do prefer to strive for the feeling of confidence. Knowing EXACTLY what I am doing, EXACTLY what I want out of life and how to get it. But I suppose there are always cracks in our foundation that we occasionally trip on. Falling down is expected and necessary, on some level.  How long you stay down, though, is what separates the men from the boys. Figuratively speaking, of course. When life pushes you over, stand up and push back even harder!

 

It is tempting to give into those dark and dangerous I-give-up feelings, though. How easy it would be to just throw in the towel? Rest assured, there is no reward in life’s long journey for those that give up and look for the easy road. And by “reward” I don’t mean monetarily speaking. I mean being rewarded with a life you are proud of. A life you fought damn hard for. Sure, there will be mistakes involved  but you put yourself out on a limb. You forced yourself out of your comfort zone. You clawed and scratched for what you believed in. Regardless if you failed or not, YOU made it happen. That is huge in my book as there are a lot of “path of least resistance” folks out there…

…says the woman sitting safely in  her cubicle on the second floor of a climate controlled building, working a job she has held for 8 years. Um, yeeaaah. That would be me. What do I know about taking chances or chasing down a dream? Despite my efforts some might say, “not much”. One of my greatest fears in life is to be on my deathbed and regret that I didn’t take that blind leap of faith. To stand on the ledge of security and just…jump! Winds of chance blowing through your hair.  Will you fall flat on your face?  Will you fly? How will you know if you never try? To quote Neil Armstrong “There can be no great accomplishment without risk.”

Lest I am judged for not walking the walk, I have to be honest here. I have mouths to feed, a mortgage to pay, and a husband who is self employed. I am no pampered housewife turned photographer. My income is not “extra” or “play” money. I have real bills and real responsibility. For example, taking that leap would effectively mean our family going without health insurance. Not something one should take lightly when living in the US.

And yet…are these legitimate reasons for not following ones dreams? Am I really “taking one for the team” Or is that the excuse I tell myself because I’m scared? One part of me vehemently shakes it’s head “YES, YES! of course these are legitimate reasons. Don’t be foolish.” And the other part of me cocks it’s head and asks, “but is it enough reason to not live your life to it’s full potential?”  It’s a riddle for sure. One I have yet to find the answer to.

To sum this all up, I’m having one of those days…